i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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