So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
