I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
