the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
