It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
