I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
