Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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