Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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