Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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