I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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