whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
