Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
