Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
