you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize