RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
