porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
