can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
