No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
