i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
