ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do vagina's smell?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
