they need to just BURY HIM!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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