I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
