you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
