She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
