Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
