Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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