My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
