Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
