I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
