Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
