my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
