P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
