That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
