i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
