I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
