I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
