I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
