In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
