dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
