SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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