I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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