no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
