I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
