so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
