She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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