can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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