I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
