nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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