Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
