they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
