Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
