cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
