My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
