I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
