Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize