That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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