he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
