you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
