you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dear god my vagina.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
