I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
