I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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