you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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