Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
