You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize