Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
