When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
