So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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