Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
