I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
