Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
