Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
