Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's just like the Real World with babies
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
